Mary, did you know?
a letter to my abuser’s mother
by jules stevenson
Mary, did you know?
That the pit in your
stomach was rotten?
That the flesh you
carried for nine long
months would come
out of you snapping
and snarling? Mary,
did it hurt? When you
were severed. Your
arms blessed with a
bloody bundle of a baby?
If you knew what he
would do to me would
you still have wept tears
of joy? Would you still
have anointed his forehead
with your lips? Did your
joy outweigh my pain?
Mary, I do not blame
you for your offspring.
Every man is a martyr
To his mother. You are
a sheep, and he, a wolf
in lamb's clothing. Did
he tear his way out of
you with his teeth and
his claws? Did you see
the bloodlust in his eyes?
Did you smell the sulfur
in his smile?
Mary, did you know?
Did you see the signs?
Did he ever come home
Licking his lips?
His white pelt stained
wine red with blood?
Did he tell you it was his?
Did you believe him,
Mary, as all mothers must?
Mary, I know
love has blinded
you, but Mary there
Are no miracles
Here. He will not
kiss your broken
eyelids/ open so
let me tell you that
old/old story Mary,
of how your son got
Up there onto that old
Rugged cross/ arms
flung wide/ open
He took the stairs.
Each step
A back
Bone
Broken
Each step
a girl/ interrupted
Each step
a different age
17
18
19
15
14
12
9
And mary these are
just the ones i know
Mary, do you remember
The story of the foot
Prints in the sand?
Mary, did you walk
Up us with him
Safe in your silence
Mary oh, sweet, Mary,
do you still wash his feet
in the temple? Do they turn
the holy water wine red?
Because Mary, it’s
been Five years and
I still can’t wash
Him off. Mary i’ve
Tried. I get on my
Knees every night
and i scrub/ and i
scrub/ and i scrub/
and i pray/ To you,
Mary, I Do. Because
Mary, maybe he would
listen to you/ Mary
I do not blame you,
for your offspring.
I know/ every man
is the Messiah/ a
Martyr to his mother.
But I used to be innocent,
just like you. Bones jutted/
knees bruised from praying.
Your baby ripped me apart
from the inside out, too Mary.
Oh, my sweet, sweet Mary.
How could you not know?